AmmitBeast, The Dweller in Amenta (ammitbeast) wrote,
AmmitBeast, The Dweller in Amenta

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* Saturday, May 22, 2010 - 10:20 PM

Yuki-Onna recently had it out with "Lost" (see her rant here). I hadn't really noticed this phenomenon with "Lost" before, but she was right: The writers love to use science fiction story-telling toys, but they don't want to follow any logic in their use nor admit that they are using these toys (but like using the toys so much they can't keep their hands off of them).

Damn straight... and I'll bet they were teenaged, chronic masturbators+, too. Watching "Star Trek" in their parents' basement.

But I digress. Do read Yuki-Onna's article.

Okay, here are my predictions on how "Lost" will end tonight.

No bets will be accepted, all precog event horizons must be closed, and I will not be held responsible. Oh, and if you don't want to know what (might) happen tonight, please do not read this, do not click the link.

Heck, maybe don't read it anyway. I believe it might burn your eyes.

+But who wasn't?


"Lost" finale predictions:

√ There's an awesome brotha/dude-off contest between Desmond and Hurley. There's no telling who will survive.

√ Sawyer celebrates his one-millionth series-utterance of "Son of a bitch...!"

√ Smokey-Flocke kicks new-and-improved Jack's ass. Sorry. As he dies, Jack throws himself into the mystical river and flows into the glowy life-cave. Jack emerges shortly after this, newly transformed into a white smoke monster (but he's a friendly monster). Tim Robbins shows up and acts creepy, Sean Penn co-stars; Ben out-creeps both of them and they leave.

√ Smokey-Flocke succeeds in killing the remaining candidates, Others, and miscellaneous hippies. Jack stands around looking impotent, as usual. Then he remembers he's a friendly smoke monster and challenges Smokey-Flocke to a game of eternal backgammon. Richard (who can't die, duh) stands around looking smashing despite having been blown to bits three or four times.

√ Smokey-Jack kicks Smokey-Flocke's ass. As he dies, Flocke throws himself into the mystical... no, wait. "Lost" is never recursive (cough), scratch that. Flocke doesn't die, but he and Jack do emote and glare at one another until the end of time. And golf; they play lots of golf.

√ Alterverse Desmond leads the the Up-With-People versions of our friends from the alterverse to the islandverse after he finds alterverse J.D. Salinger's red shoes and clicks them together. Once on the island, though, they find they're alone except for two brooding men who can't stop chain-smoking (while playing golf), and a really cute drag queen in heavy eye shadow*. The alterverse super-friends decide to start an Up-With-People-themed island resort.

*C'mon, three guys alone on an island, and only one of them is still human and has exactly zero magical/supernatural powers? Who do you think would be wearing the mascara?

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